together we fight
by beckettxwine
Summary: Post 5x22. Spoilers for the Squab and the Quail, no spoilers for Still. "I'm so scared, Kate. I don't want to lose this."


"Castle, you know I love you, right?"

"Hmm?" Castle's half asleep, his chest against her back, arm wrapped tightly around her waist.

"Castle, wake up." Castle groans, turns to rub his face on his pillow and flops onto his back.

"Okay, I'm up. What?"

"I love you," she throws an arm around his waist, cuddles herself into his side, their legs tangling. "I love you. I love _you_."

"Oh, Kate," Castle pulls her so she's lying on top of him and kisses her head. "Kate, I love you too. So much."

"I just –" Kate kisses his chest, up his neck until she reaches his lips. "I told him we were together, Castle. I told Vaughn we were together and he asked if we were serious and I said yes, Castle, but I – I hesitated. And then I tried to bring it up with you, I tried to bring up why I hesitated but then you didn't answer my question and I –" Castle pushes his lips to hers, wraps an arm around her waist and takes her with him as he sits up.

"Kate, you're rambling. I don't even know what you're rambling about, sweetie." He leans his forehead on hers, the corners of his mouth tilting up just a bit.

"I'm sorry, Castle." It's barely a whisper as she starts to pull away, untangling her legs, her arms, her body from his.

"Whoa, Kate, for what?" He holds her wrist even with her back turned to him, her perched on the side of his bed.

"For even asking about us, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"Brought what up? Kate, love, I don't have any idea what you're talking about." He pulls her wrist gently, and she slightly turns to him, her eyes still not meeting his.

"Earlier when I asked you where we were going and you just deflected it like you always do and I know that's how you process things but damnit, Castle, don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about." Her voice cracks halfway through and Castle takes a few seconds to watch her until he finally understands what she's talking about.

"Kate, when you asked me that, I didn't think you were being literal. I didn't think you were talking about us. I'd just told you that I was going to give you a _full body massage_ and we both know how that ended up." Castle pulls her towards him when he sees her smile at the memory of their bodies together, them breathing in sync as they brought each other to the edge. "I love you, okay, Kate? I love you."

"Then where are we going, Castle? We've been together for almost a year and we haven't even moved yet, much less talked about children or marriage."

"So move in." Kate rolled her eyes and finally looked at Castle.

"I'm serious, Castle."

"So am I. Kate, come on." He kissed her forehead. "You have half of your stuff here, you're here every night. We can easily box up the rest of the stuff at your house and bring it here."

"Castle."

"Kate, move in with me." Kate cups Castle's cheeks and kisses him fiercely.

"Marry me, Castle." Castle lets out a loud laugh and she looks down, tears already pricking the back of her eyes. _God, Kate, you're such an idiot. _Castle notices her face and stops, lifts a hand to tilt her chin up towards him.

"God, Kate, were you –"

"Serious?" She spat, standing up and throwing on her robe, heading for the door. "Yeah, I kind of was."

"Shit, Kate," Castle follows, his robe going on as fast as hers as he follows her into the kitchen, trying to catch up with her. "Kate, come on, you know that's not how I would've reacted had I known you were serious."

"Are you sure, Castle? Because apparently according to your history, you don't take marriage too seriously, anyways." Castle releases the wrist he just grabbed and turns back to his _(their?)_ bedroom as his face darkens. "Castle – I didn't –"

"You didn't what, Kate? Mean it? Sure sounded like you did." Castle turns to face her and sighs. "Do you think I like having two marriages under my belt? Do you think I'm proud of marrying a woman because she was pregnant with our child, another because I loved her for a month?

"Gina and I were in love, yes, but after that first month of marriage, of dating even, we hated each other. We couldn't be near each other for more than two hours. Meredith cheated on me, did she tell you that? Did she tell you that she signed our daughter off to me without even a fight? That she left _three days_ after she signed the divorce papers?"

"Castle," Kate walks towards him and gently puts a hand on his arm.

"No, Kate, I'm not asking for your sympathy." He shrugs off her hand and leans in to cup her cheeks. "Kate, you're right. God, you're right. I'm no good with relationships. Kyra, Meredith, Gina, they've all fallen apart. I'm no good with marriage, or commitment. I'm good with _you_." He smiles, his eyes lighting up with his grin as he searches for what she's thinking.

"I'm good with you. You make me a better person. I better you, and you better me. I'm happier with you. You make me laugh, and smile, and you make me feel like nobody else has. Kate, I've never loved anybody the way I love you, and I've never felt more loved by any woman other than you. I am so in love with you. I will always be in love with you, but I'm so scared, Kate. I'm so scared."

"Me too," she whispers. Her forehead is resting against his and she feels his breath on her lips, she wants to kiss him but she knows how he feels. She understands how scared he is, to lose her, to lose them.

"I'm scared I'm going to scare you off, I'm scared of losing you, and I'm scared that I'm going to ruin this. I can't ruin this, Kate. I love you, and I want you to move in, and I want to see you walk down the aisle, and I want to hold your hand when you're delivering our baby, but I'm so scared, Kate. I don't want to lose this."

"Oh, Castle." She kisses him then, light and soft, but enough so he knows how much she agrees with what he's saying.

"I don't know where we're going, Kate. I don't know how we're getting there, or who's coming with us. But I know that we're going there together. I hope that you'll be willing to come with me through this." Kate lets out a breathy laugh and wraps her arms around his neck, molding their bodies together.

"Castle, I love you so much. I want all of that and more, Castle. You have to know that." She pulls back to kiss his forehead, and then she cups his cheeks and watches as he struggles to answer.

"I do, Kate. God, I do now." He leans in to kiss her and she smiles through it, their bodies still together.

"I have to admit though," she pulls back when she hears his voice again, "I'm a bit disappointed that you didn't get down on one knee."

A/N: I wrote this yesterday in study hall. I couldn't get it out of my head that everyone kept blaming Castle for deflecting her question when he's probably more scared than she is. Sigh.

All mistakes are mine, it's 10PM on Thursday night, and this has been one of the longest weeks of my life.

(PS, I haven't seen Still, and I'm staying spoiler free, so if you comment/review please don't mention anything from Still!)


End file.
